How often do you talk yourself out of reaching for that big dream – starting that new business, going for that promotion, writing that book…………….. for fear of getting it wrong?

How often do you resort to dipping your toe in the water rather than diving in – playing safe and staying small. Not wanting to rock the boat and upset anyone, convincing yourself that all the hard work you do (or will do) under the radar will pay off one day?

Exhausting isn’t it! Whether you procrastinate or prevaricate, the negative voice in your head, holding you back, can be wearing.

You are not alone. In all the work that I have done with women – bright, inspiring women – the biggest barrier to success was inside their own head.

That voice is not you. It is your inner critic  – and that is different. Many a time it can feel as if it is on loudspeaker, challenging you: ‘Who do you think you are wanting x?”, “How could you ever be good enough?”, “Why would you want to do something so risky?” It’s the voice that tells you, you are not qualified enough, smart enough, good enough to get that job, write that book, speak up in that meeting, start that business, ask for the pay rise. It is the voice of self-doubt that we are so intimately acquainted with and the single, biggest barrier to making the impact that we want to make in the world.

Two pieces of good news:

1. You are not alone. Everyone has an inner critic. Facebook’s chief operating officer, Sheryl Sandberg says she struggles with profound self-doubt. Ariane Huffington, JK Rowling, Oprah Winfrey, Brene Brown…..the list continues
2. Taming your inner critic to work in service of you is completely possible. How can I be so sure? Because I’ve been there. Holding back, quiet, considered, playing small, wanting to make everything 100% right before I spoke up, took the lead and launched myself into the world. Finally, I have learnt to distinguish the voice of the Little Miss Perfectionist from my inner voice. To see that her desire to keep me safe is keeping me small and that facing my fear of failure, speaking up, pushing my own boundaries and taking leaps into the unknown can be exciting, exhilarating and the single best way to learn and develop.

How has this manifested itself? An impromptu performance of King George from the musical ‘Hamilton’ has led to the confidence to sign up for talks onstage, walking blindfold along a 12 foot high wooden beam with heart-racing vertigo has become the metaphor for facing any fears in business and doing it anyway. Posting my thoughts on the growing loneliness epidemic and sharing how it has affected me brought a landslide of support and inspiration for others to share their fears and ideas to address loneliness in our local communities. Whenever my inner critic pops up to hold me back, I thank her for her concern and tell her that I now know the benefit of taking risks and playing bigger. Most importantly, I’ve learnt that making mistakes are critical steps in personal and professional growth – a big stepping stone for a perfectionist!

So, you may ask, do you have all your clients head for the nearest stage or ‘Go Ape’ adventure park? No – because every client is unique and the coaching is tailored to them. But we do spend time identifying their inner critic and working through what they need to tame their gremlin. For some, it may be the people pleaser putting themselves last, for others the inner workhorse putting them at risk of burnout or the avoider who delays commitment and is permanently stuck. There are discussions to be had with each gremlin, investments to be made in a strong, championing voice and actions to be invested in that grow confidence and give each client of that bigger life. Without fail, it has them wanting more……

A final word from Sheryl Sandberg on daring bigger: